I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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