I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize