Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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