Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize