So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
