I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
