Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
