Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
