so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
