I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh god it's open bar.
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