Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
