Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
