am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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