dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
two words...techno handjob
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wear drunk well.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
