I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
