i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
