There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
