Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
