he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
