Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
