remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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