He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
