You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
