If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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