all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize