I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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