Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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