why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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