Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
