I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
