People with herpes should wear stickers.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
