Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
