just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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