too bad you live with your parents still
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize