3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
