I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
