What did we do last night that was yellow?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize