i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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