man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
