Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
