I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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