At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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