i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
