But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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