Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
