Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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