we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your penis caused this!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
