We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
did i walk over a car last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
