After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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