i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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