I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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