She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
a search helicopter?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
