My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
