So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
