3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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