I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
