i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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